I want to start over.
Can we try again?
I want to go back to ‘way back when’
when you looked at me and didn’t know my sins,
when you hadn’t seen the ugly darkness within.
I wish I could erase it all.
Can we pretend we don’t know each other at all?
I want that new love, first touch, ‘do I look good enough?’
that butterfly in throat, naive hope, vision blurred like smoke,
I want the feeling of being a stranger to you
because strangers don’t know that my favourite colour is blue;
they can’t buy me flowers or play ‘three lies one truth’.
Strangers still think I have it all together.
Maybe I should slam a rock into your head,
hard enough to make you forget.
Or maybe I should google how to make a ‘forgetting pill’
and give it to you pretending that it’s advil.
And if that’s too crazy I think I need to run away
because I don’t think I can stay
if you know me.
I know we can’t start over, or make you forget me, so we need end this.
Give me one last ‘I know your ugly darkness and love you anyway’ kiss –
even though I don’t deserve it.